The eyelids pain. The mouth is dry. Joints ache.
As i try to fight the pain and the uneasiness i also try to remeber where i am. The eyelids are still closed and memories from last night flash like fireworks. As i push the blanket and try to get up a glass breaks somewhere! It was the beer mug i had carried to bed. My last peg.
I find my way to the mirror and want to brush. My mouth is dry and smells tepid. I have a look at myself and the image is scary. The eyes are bloodshot. The hair rummaged. Blood spots on my face.What happened last night?
I come out of my room and try to close the door behind me. My "pinky" screams in pain. I hit the wall last night with my fist for reasons i now do not remember. I see a friend, Michael, trying to get a grasp of what is happening around him. I saw his face sometime last night.He too was a part of the carnage alcohol had inflicted upon us. As i try to get to him i have to cross broken glass on the corridor, a broken chair and a armrest which had found it's way into the flowerpot.
I need some water. Michael has lost hope of rehabilitation and has decided to sit on the floor by now. I see he is not wearing his shorts. I look down to see if i am. I am not. I get to him and ask him how he is. The question is a parody,a travesty an attempt for small talk which is destined to fail.I realize he is unwilling to talk.Perhaps unable.
I get back to the room, go to the loo where i fall asleep and after having a bath return to my bed. I am not in a hangover.I am still drunk.By now everything which had transpired within the room last night has come back to me. I remember:-Fighting.Crying.Drinking.Binging.Peeing. Vomiting.
I think how am i to face the world.I light a cigarette and rest my head on the pillow. I vow never to drink again.
The shame and the pain that follows a night of boozing is extreme. It requires a lot of inner strength to come out of a hangover unaffected/unchanged man. Although many of us drink i have reasoned that with sip of alcohol we change as human beings. At times the changes are so small that we seldom notice it.But that does not mean the meter is not ticking. Whether that change is for the good or for the bad i dont know. Today i in a fit of Postalcoholdyslexconiosis vow to drink only as much as my mind can remember the next day. Mettalica said it wrong"The memory remains".It does not!!!